Celebrating Our Personal Independence/Freedom Day

July 4th is the 240th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence of the New World colonies from English rule. Now is a perfect time for us to declare our personal independence from the inner tyranny we all experience – or have experienced – from our disempowering beliefs, parental, cultural and religious conditioning, and our repressed emotions which still have a powerful effect on us even though we often deny them. I call this our “shadow” (the “storage room” in our unconscious minds where we’ve shoved those feelings and kept a tight “lid” on them for years, even decades) until we believe we’re safe enough to feel, express and release them. This “emotional density” is stealing our peace, power, love and joy, blocking us from creating and living the lives we long for with all our heart.

I encourage you to take that first courageous step to free yourself from the tyranny of those repressed shadow emotions. The first one is the hardest as we are breaking through the inner barriers we erected to protect us in our belief that we wouldn’t be able to “handle” them. Well, we couldn’t at such a young age so our bodies stepped in to protect us until such time as we could. I’ve learned that the most effective path to freedom from their destructive effects is to turn around and face them, knowing that the memories and emotions associated with them can no longer hurt us. They are “smoke and mirrors,” really – we already survived the events. In truth, our continued denial of them is hurting us more.

Believing we are limited in any way, that we are anything less than unique and beloved expressions of the Divine, God/dess or whatever name we choose, prevents us from knowing and expressing our most authentic and beautiful selves. I invite you to create a relationship with yourself unencumbered by these memories and emotions. Embrace the Light that you are at the deepest core of your being. Claim the freedom, love and joy that are your birthright – as they are for ALL of us.

 

Control or Surrender

 

Are we embracing life – all of it – with open hearts or are we just plodding along experiencing it as a burden, something to be endured rather than accepted as is and sometimes even enjoyed when we allow it? I’ve “held my breath” through most of my life as I definitely did NOT want to feel the teeming snake pit of emotions I’d suppressed. Holding the breath is very effective in keeping those emotions from conscious awareness – for a time – but at a high price.

We can’t CONTROL life – it will unfold per the agreement our souls made with the Divine and the script we wrote for each lifetime. A lot of us damn sure try to control it – I know I still do at times. I have spent YEARS of my life in fear/terror trying to “make” something happen that I wanted or prevent from happening what I didn’t rather than trusting that whatever life brings is for my greater good.

Basically, I feel it comes down to controlling life out of fear – or trying to – or surrendering to life with trust and love. I don’t have to be a victim of fear – I can surrender to the Divine and trust that only my highest good will come to me, whether it’s “comfortable” or not.” What’s amazing is that I experience more comfort since trust and love “vibrate” at a higher “frequency” than fear and therefore attract more of what I want than what I don’t. Correct me if I’m mistaken, but Law of Attraction 101 teaches us that our vibrational frequency is the magnet that draws to us what we actually receive and experience. We have mistakenly been taught that it’s our thoughts alone. It’s not; it’s our VIBRATION and what fuels that is EMOTION. Try an experiment for yourself: concentrate really strongly on what you want with your thoughts alone. When it doesn’t show up in your experience, add some strong emotion into the equation (best that it’s positive so you don’t inadvertently attract something negative; we do that enough unconsciously). Then watch what happens.

I’ve come to feel that most of us either try to control life out of fear, or surrender to it with trust and love. Which is it for you?

The Collective “Shadow” Run Rampant

What we’re witnessing in the world today – and specifically in Orlando, Florida – is our unconscious “shadow” run amok. When we “stuff” our anger/rage, sadness/grief, fear/terror, etc. into our unconscious mind and mistakenly think we are “controlling” it, events like these occur and we’re left “scratching our heads” in shock and bewilderment and wondering what happened.

Picture an iceberg. The vast majority of its mass is BELOW the surface of the water and about 10% is above – and so it is with our mind. And we’re trying to control the 90% that’s hidden, usually by stuffing those emotions into our unconscious mind hoping they will just go away. How’s that working for us? Given today’s tragedy in Orlando – and other similar tragedies in the past several years – I’d say it’s not working at ALL.

Another part of this equation is that when we suppressed those emotions into our unconscious, what accompanied them was the fear we had as small children that we “couldn’t handle them.” That fear was very real – then. When the repressed emotions begin to surface as adults, what arises with them is that fear, except that we can handle it now.

So what’s the answer? Well, one answer (and one that seems to work quite well for many people) is to identify, feel and release the emotional content we’ve denied. As many of you have already experienced, something will “trigger” you and all that suppressed emotion will come roaring up to “bite you in the ass.” Aren’t you tired of that yet?

What I learned on my life journey – and it was a painful lesson – is that I caused myself much more pain by running away from the original pain I had stuffed into my unconscious. Given that I can be pretty stubborn, it took quite a number of “smacks” from the Universe before I got the message and began the process of acknowledging, healing and releasing that pain. My experience was that at first the Universe’s reminder was a gentle tap on my shoulder, then a stronger one, then an even stronger one. I still didn’t get it so I received the “2 x 4” reminder. THEN, I got it!

I strongly encourage you not to wait for that 2 x 4 from the Universe. Deal with the unfelt and unprocessed emotions in your unconscious mind NOW and save yourself additional pain.

There’s a quote from Carl Jung that expresses what I’m referring to very eloquently and may be of help to you: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek” – the “cave” being those denied emotions and the “treasure” the relief and healing in expressing and releasing them.

For those of you interested in knowing more about the “shadow” and how it expresses individually and collectively, I recommend you read Deepak Chopra’s article in the Huffington Post where he discusses its impact. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deepak-chopra/americas-shadow-the-real-_b_10319848.html. You can also read some of Carl Jung’s writings on this subject.

 

Triggers

We’ve been conditioned in our culture to blame the other person when s/he says or does something that “triggers” an unwanted emotional response in us. Unfortunately, when we do this we miss a “golden opportunity” to see and experience what we’re carrying around inside that’s still causing us pain. Some examples in my own life are feeling (1) “not good enough,” (2) unlovable, and (3) my needs aren’t important.

I just experienced a painful trigger a few days ago. After a very brief (thankfully) visit with blame, I was able to see that what this friend had “done” brought to my awareness feelings of abandonment. Let me emphasize that these feelings were already inside menot magically “slipped in” by the other person. Whatever we feel is NEVER about the other person. I’m so grateful that most of the time now I’m able to stop the automatic “blame response,” look inside and allow myself to feel all there is to feel about what happened.

Please understand that it’s only been in the last 7 months or so that I’ve allowed myself to feel those emotions that I have so not wanted to feel and kept “stuffing down” for many years. I still don’t want to feel them − and I’m so relieved afterward when I allow myself to cry, shake or get angry − whatever needs to be experienced and released, and have done it without lashing out at and hurting the “triggerer.”

So how do we do that? For me, I’ve learned to stop, slow down and take a deep breath (perhaps several) before I say or do anything. Breathing helps me calm down and not feel so overcome by emotion, to identify what’s upsetting me, then feel and release it. And most importantly, not blame anyone for what I’m experiencing.

Try it. What have you got to lose? When we experience the people, places and situations that come into our lives as gifts and fully accept them as such, then we’re living in peace – with ourselves and others.

 

“Making” What You Want Happen or “Allowing” It to Happen In our culture, we’re conditioned to believe that we can make anything happen that we want – we just have to try hard enough and persevere long enough. To a very limited extent that’s true; but not always and, besides, that’s the HARD way. It’s much easier to create and have what we want than we believe, whether it be a dream career, friends, romantic partner, prosperity, etc. In truth, it’s virtually effortless. However, effortlessly having what we want is a very “foreign” concept in our society. We’ve been taught that we must “work hard” for everything we have, that whether or not we achieve that is completely due to our own efforts, that we alone are responsible, exemplified by the words of the poem Invictus: “I’m the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” Perhaps to a certain extent that’s true, but that path has its limits and requires a lot of struggle – and we were not designed to struggle. What if we could have what we want by allowing ourselves to receive it? This goes beyond the conscious mind — which we mistakenly believe is “in charge” – into the unconscious mind which is the true source of our creative power. Allowing also eliminates struggle. Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to ignore the unconscious mind in the false belief that the conscious mind is the sole creator of that which we desire. Not so. Then what’s the block to creating what we want? Most often it’s because what we consciously want is in conflict with what we believe we deserve. All the beliefs, “shoulds” and rules we’ve accumulated throughout our lives reside in our unconscious mind and we live as if they are all true. These beliefs that we’ve been “bad,” have “failed” or otherwise not been the kind of person we “should” be blocks us from allowing ourselves to receive what we most desire. So, here’s the good news: it is completely up to each of us as to what we have or don’t have in life. What’s essential, however, is that we be willing to face and release our unconscious beliefs, judgments, and emotions we haven’t allowed ourselves to feel. Most of us are terrified of doing this. I certainly was. I ran as fast as I could for many, MANY years – until I realized I was causing myself MORE pain by running than if I turned and faced whatever I was running FROM. For me, it’s been the most direct way – and maybe the only way for me to experience emotional freedom and happiness in my life. Am I “done”? No. Am I “perfect”? No. And neither you nor I – anyone for that matter – is required to be perfect. It’s much more liberating and satisfying to simply be authentically ourselves. I invite and encourage you to take this journey and discover what’s possible for you.

 

In our culture, we’re conditioned to believe that we can make anything happen that we want – we just have to try hard enough and persevere long enough. To a very limited extent that’s true; but not always and, besides, that’s the HARD way. It’s much easier to create and have what we want than we believe, whether it be a dream career, friends, romantic partner, prosperity, etc. In truth, it’s virtually effortless. However, effortlessly having what we want is a very “foreign” concept in our society. We’ve been taught that we must “work hard” for everything we have, that whether or not we achieve that is completely due to our own efforts,  that we alone are responsible, exemplified by the words of the poem Invictus: “I’m the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” Perhaps to a certain extent that’s true, but that path has its limits and requires a lot of struggle – and we were not designed to struggle.

What if we could have what we want by allowing ourselves to receive it? This goes beyond the conscious mind — which we mistakenly believe is “in charge” – into the unconscious mind which is the true source of our creative power. Allowing also eliminates struggle. Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to ignore the unconscious mind in the false belief that the conscious mind is the sole creator of that which we desire. Not so.

Then what’s the block to creating what we want? Most often it’s because what we consciously want is in conflict with what we believe we deserve. All the beliefs, “shoulds” and rules we’ve accumulated throughout our lives reside in our unconscious mind and we live as if they are all true.  These beliefs that we’ve been “bad,” have “failed” or otherwise not been the kind of person we “should” be blocks us from allowing ourselves to receive what we most desire.

So, here’s the good news: it is completely up to each of us as to what we have or don’t have in life. What’s essential, however, is that we be willing to face and release our unconscious beliefs, judgments, and emotions we haven’t allowed ourselves to feel. Most of us are terrified of doing this. I certainly was. I ran as fast as I could for many, MANY years – until I realized I was causing myself MORE pain by running than if I turned and faced whatever I was running FROM. For me, it’s been the most direct way – and maybe the only way for me to experience emotional freedom and happiness in my life. Am I “done”? No. Am I “perfect”? No. And neither you nor I – anyone for that matter – is required to be perfect. It’s much more liberating and satisfying to simply be authentically ourselves.

I invite and encourage you to take this journey and discover what’s possible for you.

Being Aware of Our Distractions

Distractions have become a huge part of daily life to the extent that most people are constantly on the go, always doing something, and rarely taking time to be quiet and check in with themselves. Everywhere we go we see people relating to their mobile phones — not each other. After work, there’s TV, often accompanied by one or more alcoholic beverage or other intoxicating substances. According to the New York Daily News, the average American watches 5 hours of television per day. FIVE HOURS! This can vary according to age group. Others spend hours on the Internet, usually some form of social media — Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, etc.

There’s less and less interaction between people that isn’t work or family related. For some, their most intimate relationship is with a cell phone or electronic game devices, etc.

And then there’s a smorgasbord of substances with which to distract oneself: alcohol, drug of choice, food, etc.

The question is, “WHAT are we distracting ourselves FROM? Why are we filling every possible moment with SOMETHING and rarely if ever simply relaxing and enjoying quiet time?

What I’ve come to realize — through my own experience with various distractions as well as observing those of others — is that we are running from our emotions, from what we don’t want and are afraid to feel. Eventually, those feelings will catch up with you. They did with me — and I’m so glad they did. Facing them and allowing myself to feel and release them has brought me more freedom and joy than I ever thought possible — just the opposite of what I feared would happen if I stopped running.

So why are we so afraid to feel those emotions? One would think that since feelings are an essential part of our lives that we wouldn’t fear them. First, it’s usually only what we call “positive” emotions that we allow ourselves to feel. The “negative” ones are a different story. Why?

No one makes it through childhood without having some painful experiences, and often some that are very traumatic like physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment — both physical and emotional. As small children we don’t have the tools or adult support we need to navigate those experiences unscathed. Usually, our only defense is to shove those feelings down into our unconscious where they can’t harm us — or so we believe.

Actually, those suppressed and repressed emotions still have an impact — in indirect ways. Some examples are: 1) “going off” on someone who says or does something and having no clue as to why (an “emotional trigger”); 2) avoiding certain people because we feel vaguely (or strongly) uncomfortable around them (possibly a reminder of someone from our past that’s currently hidden from our awareness); and 3) having the “same relationship” over and over again with painful and destructive results.

My request is that you begin to look within and identify YOUR distractions and what it is you don’t want and/or are afraid to feel. This is easier than you may think. When we repressed those emotions we couldn’t feel when we were young down into our unconscious, what accompanied them was the feeling of “I can’t handle this.” Of course we couldn’t when we were so young — age 3, 5, 7 or whatever. We can as adults, but that “I can’t handle this” emotion and belief arises with the repressed emotions and we mistakenly believe we can’t handle them NOW. I’ve experienced — as have some of my clients — that if you simply stop, breathe and take one “step” past that very young belief, you’ll discover you CAN handle them now.

Check it out for yourself. What if you could free yourself from the tyranny of unconscious emotions running your life and begin to create the life you’ve always dreamed of living?

 

Our VIBRATION is the Creative Energy, not THOUGHTS

We live as if our conscious mind alone is the creative vehicle for manifesting all we desire. “Our thoughts create our reality” is in the top ten of misleading statements. It contains a partial truth as our thoughts ARE involved, just don’t play the leading role. Our emotions seem to be natural conductors of vibrational energy and the more we’re in tune with them and allow them to flow easily and uninhibited, the more we’re aligned with our spirit and create fertile ground for manifesting all that we desire. A man whom I greatly admire for his high level of authenticity — Panache Desai — has said many times, “Change your energy and change your life.” The true Law of Attraction (not the partial truth depicted in “The Secret”) emphasizes aligning our energetic VIBRATION with what we desire to manifest in our lives. Emotions play a more critical role in this process than conscious thoughts — the latter’s role is to maintain emotional FOCUS.

Many of you may have read about the “17-second rule” (or 10 or 68 seconds — it varies). You may find this helpful in your exploration of Law of Attraction techniques that actually work. From Louise Hay of “You Can Heal Your Life”: http://www.healyourlife.com/got-68-seconds.

Don’t take my word for it — or anyone else’s. Check it out for yourself. Contradictory thoughts and/or emotions may arise as you begin to practice this. Simply allow them to pass through without holding on to them or giving them any more attention and energy than necessary.

Please come back here and share your results or contact me via the contact form below if you that works better for you.